Look, when there are devil worshippers about and your good cross is all the way upstairs, you have to improvise. Luckily, two sticks held in just the right way will do the trick and ward off that evil-doer next door.
Apparently, this took place at 7:20 am as John, sitting in the passenger seat, was being picked up by a friend. John’s neighbor ran into his yard and held up a makeshift cross, repeatedly yelling, “John is a devil worshipper!” At one point she even stops a passing car to warn them of the danger.
Hobbies, people. They help so much.