Meet Roosevelt Allen Douglas, II of Hawthorne, Florida (yes, Florida, again!)
Roosevelt is accused of masturbating in front of a 12 year-old girl. However, Roosevelt tells the police that he was only fixing his pant because they had a hole in them.
However, there was a big hole in Roosevelt’s alibi.
Roosevelt Allen Douglas, 32, was at the home of the girl on Wednesday, when he allegedly started masturbating in front of her, then showed her some inappropriate text messages.
The girl told police that when she left the room, he followed her outside, and later called her and asked her to not tell anyone about what happened.
Douglas’ version of he story, according to the report, is that he had accidentally flashed the girl due to a hole in his pants, and he was only touching himself to try and fix the situation. He also allegedly stated that he had shown the girl a text message he had sent to someone else.
He was arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition.
This isn’t the first time someone accused of masturbating in the wrong place has blamed a clothing malfunction.
In January, police say a Pennsylvania man caught masturbating next to a convenience store told them that his penis was only out because his pants had shrunk.
It’s worth noting, though, that sometimes crazy-sounding excuses are true. Last October, a Florida man was accused of masturbating while sitting in his car in a parking lot. He told police he was really just scratching at a rash on his testicles, and went so far as to offer to show them proof. An officer agreed, and verified that the suspect did indeed have a rash.
- Kentucky Man Arrested for Breaking Into Firehouse, Masturbating On Gear (gawker.com)
- Man Accused of Lewd Act in Sauna, Again (arlnow.com)
- Police looking for man who has been masturbating outside gym (chronicle.northcoastnow.com)
- Don’t You Just Hate it When Your Pants Shrink? This Pennsylvania Man Does (complex.com)
- Florida Carny Gregory Matthew Bruni Poops and Masturbates After Breaking Into a Home (americanlivewire.com)