Santa makes a list every year, and so do we — only on ours, just about everyone is naughty.
What else but a lump of coal can you give to a mother-and-daughter porn duo? And that mother might not be the worst parent on our Weird News Top 10 list, which also includes Nadya “The Octomom” Suleman and that sun-kissed lady with the extra-crispy mugshot, better known as “Tanning Mom.”
Our 2012 list features a testicle-munching fish; a chef who cooked and served his own genitals; the world’s fattest woman, who loses weight by having marathon sex; and a 20-year-old Brazilian who auctioned off her virginity, supposedly to help the poor. Our old friend Jonah Falcon is also featured here. He’s famous for having the longest penis ever measured in a documentary. That doesn’t make him naughty . . . just a badass. If you think you’ve ever had trouble with the TSA, just wait until you hear Jonah the Whale’s issue when he tried to board a plane — and he was just carrying what God gave him.
CLICK ON PHOTO FOR FULL SUMMERY OF EACH — OR CLICK ON TOP PHOTO TO VIEW FULL SIZED TOP 10 WITH SUMMERIES
No. 10: World’s Heaviest Woman’s Sex Diet — Pauline Potter tipped the scales as the world’s heaviest woman in 2011 at an eye-popping 643 pounds. In July, she told reporters that she had lost 98 pounds through marathon sex sessions with her ex-husband. This diet is a lot more sensible than the one practiced by Donna Simpson, one of Pauline’s rival fat ladies. She wrote in Huffington Post in 2011 that she had smoked crack in a desperate attempt to shed some pounds.
No. 9: Testicle-Eating Fish Spotted in Illinois — Nothing got guys crossing their legs, cupping their crotches and wincing like this story. The pacu — a toothy fish that can weigh up to 55 pounds — was spotted in Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois in June. Pacus are native to the Amazon Basin. They generally eat nuts, snails and aquatic vegetation. But when they come into human contact, they’ve been known to bite off the testicles of fishermen and swimmers.
No. 8: Mother-Daughter Porn Duo — As, Jessica and her daughter, Monica, see it, they simply have a family business. They’re porn stars who act together as an adult film industry duo known as “The Sexxtons.” Of course, they don’t give out their last names. HuffPost Weird was unconvinced they were really family (we don’t automatically believe everything a naked actress tells us), but they sent documentation and a decade of family photos. This is, experts tell us, a porn industry first. Jessica and Monica insist what they do is not incest, They’ll make love on camera with the same man. They just won’t touch each other while they’re doing it. After all, they have standards.
No. 7: Octomom vs Tanning Mom — With Casey Anthony in hiding most of the year, it was hard for HuffPost Weird to pick our “Mother of the Year.” In one corner, we have Nadya “The Octomom” Suleman, who turned porn star after being banned from celebrity boxing. In the other corner, we have newcomer Patricia “Tanning Mom” Krentcil. This New Jersey mom was accused of second-degree child endangerment when her 5-year-old daughter showed up at school with a sunburn thought to be caused by Krentcil taking her to a tanning salon. We thought these two should just fight it out for honors.
No. 6: Squid Inseminates Woman’s Tongue — A woman in Seoul, Korea was eating semi-boiled squid in June when the cephalopod injected its sperm bag into her tongue. The unidentified woman reportedly experienced a “pricking and foreign-body sensation” while she chewed and spat the squid out. Doctors found that the squid had left “twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms” in the mucous membranes of her tongue and cheek.
No. 5: Anal Tattoos — A lot of us have tattoos that aren’t in plain sight, and so does this woman, who was said to be on the cutting edge of the next big trend, anal tattoos. That was the buzz in August at the 17th annual South Florida Tattoo Expo. The woman shown here said the procedure felt “really, really good.”
No. 4: Bubble Skin Man — When Chandra Wisnu married his wife Nanik more than three decades ago, he was young, good looking, well-educated and born into into a well-to-do family. After the wedding, he wasn’t so lucky. A rare abnormality in his nervous system transformed him. His story was told on TLC’s “Bubble Skin Man.”
No. 3: Cook Serves Own Genitals — Japanese chef Mao Sugiyama, a self-described “asexual” from Tokyo, cooked and served his own genitalia to five diners at a swanky $250-a-plate banquet in May. Sugiyama’s penis shaft, testes and scrotum were garnished with button mushrooms and Italian parsley.
No. 2: Jonah vs. TSA — After appearing in a 1999 HBO documentary, Jonah Falcon has had the distinction of having the longest penis ever measured on camera. The distinction hasn’t brought him wealth . . . or even a steady income. But it has made him an Internet sensation. And when TSA agents at San Francisco International Airport asked about that protuberance in his pants, comedy ensued.
No. 1: Virgin Auction — What’s the price of innocence? In the case of Catarina Migliorini, it was exactly $780,000. That’s how much this 20-year-old Brazilian woman received in an Internet auction for her virginity. She initially claimed she was donating proceeds to the poor in her country, and didn’t consider the stunt an act of prostitution. A Brazilian prosecutor eventually said he was considering the possibility of criminal charges for people involved in this enterprise.