Things We Learned This Thanksgiving

Things About Life, according to Planes, Train & Automobiles:

  • People train don’t run out of Wichita lessin’ you’re a hog or cattle. People’s train runs outta Stubbville.
  • The Grand Wizard of China had specially crafted shower curtain rings.
  • Del’s dogs are are barking
  • If you mess with Neil then you’re messing with the wrong guy.
  • You’re fucked if you throw away your car rental agreement.
  • It’s fun to dance in a car to “The Mess Around” by Ray Charles.
  • You shouldn’t hit a guy in the gut when he’s not ready because that’s how Houdini died.
  • If you torch your car the radio will still work.
  • Del’s never stolen anything in his life.
  • Mini bottles of liquor and bags of Doritos probably aren’t a good combination.
  • You can rent a hotel room for seventeen dollars and a hell of a nice watch.
  • Any man willing to pay 50 dollars for a cab, would probably pay 75.
  • The Flintstones theme is more popular than 3 Coins in a Fountain.
  • You can’t rent a car with shower curtain rings.
  • Playing pick up sticks with your butt cheeks is difficult.
  • Don’t leave beers cans on a vibrating bed.
  • The Bears have a good team this year. They’re going all the way!
  • Bus travel will not improve your mood.
  • If you impound Del’s  car, he won’t be able to get his friend home for his Thanksgiving dinner.
  • Some state troopers are hard to impress.
  • “Those aren’t pillows!”
  • It’s all too easy to misinterpret the phrase “you’re going the wrong way”.
  • It hurts to get picked up by the testicles.
  • Kevin Bacon will outrun you for a cab.
  • If Neil bets 6 bucks and his right nut that your flight is not landing in Chicago, your flight’s probably not landing in Chicago.
  • Like your work, love your wife.
  • If you get stuck in Witchita you’ll have more luck finding a three legged ballerina than you will a hotel room.
  • If you’ve had all your cash a stolen a credit card from Chalmer’s Big and Tall Men’s Shop will do you no good in Witchita.
  • Lugging a 50 pound trunk around New York City is no picnic.
  • It’s probably a good idea to take a shower before Del.
  • Neal does more ball handling in an hour than Larry Bird does all night.
  • If Neal wanted a joke he would follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.
  • The only thing on the Interstate is Interstate.
  • Dooby is proud of his town, and that’s a damn rare thing these days.
  • Chalmers is a 7-outlet chain in the Pacific Northwest and they have “great stuff”.
  • According to Neal, when he and Del put their heads together, they’ve really gotten nowhere.
  • Neal wants a car, right, “f-ing” now!
  • The car rental lady doesn’t cook for Thanksgiving dinner.
  • The State Trooper can’t let Del and Neal proceed with this vehicle.
  • The burned out car has no functioning gauges- “no sir, not a one!”.
  • Neal has been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday and Del can vouch for that.
  • Del really enjoys Neal’s company.
  • You can’t break a car seat- it’s IMPOSSIBLE!

Planes, Trains and Automobiles is a 1987 American comedy film written, produced and directed by John Hughes. The film stars Steve Martin as Neal Page, a highly-strung advertising executive, who meets Del Griffith, played by John Candy, a good-hearted, eternally optimistic, overly talkative, well-meaning, but clumsy shower curtain ring salesman who seems to live in a world governed by a different set of rules. They share a three-day odyssey of misadventures trying to get Neal home to Chicago from New York City in time for Thanksgiving dinner with his family.